Myrna Zezza's "How to build a Lasting, Loving Relationship"

Reading self-development handbooks is not my usual treat. Well, sometimes
one has to give them a chance. Recommended by a good friend, who is a
therapeutist herself, I gave a chance to Myrna Mazzola Zezza's "How to build
a Lasting, Loving Relationship". Subtitled, totally appropriately,
"The blueprint you were never given".

True is that we learn a pile of knowledges in school, and in private life we
learn how to plant flowers, drive bicycle, motrocycle or a car, repair
engines, build houses etc., but we never get any significant instruction on
how to make a successful relationship. At most we get a life-instruction how
NOT to do it, by our parents or, through trial and error exercise,
ourselves.

Myrna Zezza gave a complete, step-by-step guide through the process.

I was drawn to a book, when checking about it online on recommendation of my
friend, by the model for relationship which was used: a house. Building a
house of love, writer teaches us about importance of fundament, walls and
roof. She does not forget about cement, glues and all what holds it
together, she even thinks of catastrophes, critters and insurance!

Building of self-esteem is also an important part of our relationship with
others.

Model is like this: foundation is Communication, walls are: Common purpose and
values, Trust, Appreciation and Clear agreements. Roof is Commitment.

Love is nails, screws, bolts and glue (obviously an American house in warmer
parts of USA-author herself lives in Hawaii), holding the house together.

Basements and interior spaces are also important, those are different
arrangements a couple makes in their daily life about work and spending free
time, still preserving the core of their relationship.

Termites and other critters can easily destroy even the best house if not
eradicated effectively, so any misunderstanding or trouble should also be fast and
effectively removed from an relationship.

Homeowners insurance is something what in relationship is given by a support
group like family, colleagues, friends... Author even finds, at the end, a
place foe House blessing, which might be a wedding, but can be any other
ritual a couple chooses. Most of us usually starts from this...but it is not
by chance, I believe, given at the end of this book. Life is a learning
process, all through.

When definitely too American that I would really like it, this book is a good
guide. I might comment away in my head some sentences as "eh, easy to write
this in California or Hawaii, come to Balkans!", but since the book is
addressed to a developing individual, not given as a school of thought or
perception of reality, we are free to take from it what we find useful. And
it is really a trove of useful points about each of us and relationships in
which we enter, often without really knowing what we want from it, or how to
achieve what we want.

Ph.K.Dick's "VALIS"

On my conquest of PKD's world, with reading of "The man in the high
castle", "Ubik" and "Do the androids dream of electric sheep", I took on his
"VALIS"=Vast Active Living Intelligence System.

It starts benign, a psychedelic world of 1960-ies, with only some glimpses
of danger, enrolled in weird names of the characters, like Horselover Fat or
Mother Goose.

Then it bores one immensely through almost Jehowah Witness-like boredom of
religious blobbering through hundred or more pages-here I almost threw it
away, really. I do not think I met the writer (or the editor) who would not
cut out such a ghastly nonsense, even if it would occur to anyone to
actually write such stuff down!

Luckily I was patient, as at the end of a tunnel, there came a light! And
patient I was, indeed! The writing seemed as if an adept of mish-mash of
Christianity, Buddhism and Gibbon did not succed to come up to digest the
Message for the lazy American reader. Such a reader would not dare to read
Caesar directly, but preferred to look, with some curiosity, at the vomit of
it after the painful burps of the afore-mentioned adept.

So, after nonsensical, psychopatologic religious bullshit of a pity character
bent after his feeling of guilt for not being able to help to his
energetic vampire friends to survive their psichological or body illness,
story started to be interesting.

That is, if we can consider actual waking up to the world in which the Christ
himself is alive and kickin' somewhere in California, and the cypher from
apostolic Christians from Roman times finds the audience in the time of
Vietnam war. The society is formed, which consists of four individuals, who
cram to the airplane to visit the Christ, and who just happen to gather unter
the motto "Fish can not use guns".

Oh ghosh. Just writing it on paper is ridiculous, no?

Well, obviously not completely, if it comes from a master writer like PKD.
I survived through reading it for (too) many a page, carried by a sheer hope
that scores of people who claimed it to be a good work, were not complete
idiots, or that it all was not just an internet scam of the bigot Jehowah
Witnesses.

Towards the end of the first volume of Valis, there is a beautiful story of
2 year old girl Sophia, who herself seems to be a voice of God. Not "seems",
she IS a voice of god, she knows things nobody else could now. PKD gives
some of his most hillarious lines here, pure joy to read!

Sophia eventually dies accidentally, or chose to die accidentally, but there
is a new child to be born, from the same parents-who are crazy weirdos, but
seem to have a place in the cosmic maze. The Rhipidon society is closely
following.

At the end of the book is a list of 50 premises of the World and definitions
which are supposedly put there to help, but they rather scared me. They are
obviously a make of crack-pot. No discussion. I am quite afraid to go to the
2nd book of Valis, but probably I will be persistent, as I usually am, to
fathom the depths of Horselover Fat.

Gombrowicz's "Pornografia"

Continuation of my re-reading of Gombrowicz.
In "Pornografia" he is at his best, intentially
controversial and bulversing. It is amazing to see
how he constructs the pervert tension of old against-or
along-the young.

Author creates the twisted reality of the story through
actions of older guys towards a younger couple. Which is
the more pervert: marriage of old guy to a much younger
girl, or their action, which in effect, prevents it? Older
guys try to make young couple into lovers, although themselves
are not even thinking about it, being friends from childhood.
The reason for such action of older guys is that they would
like themselves to couple with young, but since they can not,
then at least they try to sublimate their will through action
on them.

Gombrowicz would not be himself if he would be simple:
there is a parallel story of Polish reality in WWII, when
AK (Armia Krajowa=National Army), which is different than
AL (Armia Ludowa=People's Army), acts against one of its
detractors. It was not a little to write about AK in 1950-ies,
as its role was negated by communist government-the only heroic
army could be the Red Army of USSR. Again, today it is all
too easy to forget the historical reality of Gombrowicz's
writing.

"Cosmos" and "Pornografia" are essential Gombrowicz. In
them he creates (erotic) reality of usual things and events, and uses
it to build tension in the fabric of that reality. Masterpieces which
only a tense mind like his could produce.

Coetzee's "Diary of a Bad Year"

This is a diary of strong opinions. Author presents it as a series of essays on
free topics, with the self-censorship turned "OFF".

Coetzee is an South African writer living in Australia. The main character
of this book is an esteemed Australian writer of foreign air, so much so
that the beauty he fell for calls him Senor, as if he would be of South
American origin.

That the book would not be simply boring, a litany of musings of a boring
over-intellectualized old prick, author spiced it with real life: a hot
chick. An inovative move in the book, like a magician's stick adding
something of a Peter Pan in the story.

It starts with the introduction part where the strong opinion about
origins of the state, terrorism (it is dated 2005 to 2006) or anarchy is
presented along with trivia from his everyday life. After some 20 pages,
the hot chick gets the bottom of the page for herself. Then it becomes,
page by page, a three-fold story. At the end, she takes two of the three
windows of the page, in one conversing with the author, in another with her
boyfriend or herself.

Most of the text is by the old prick who could not do anything else with the
hot chick than to employ her as a typist. His hands tremble too much, his
other organ would not tremble even with heap of Viagra, but his brain is as
attentive to a woman beauty as a man's brain can be.

A woman shows to be not an empty shell. Her boyfriend, with whom
she lives in the same buliding as the author, is a predator investment
consultant. He shows also to be an emotional predator, and encounter with
the Senor, in effect, produces their split.

The (platonic) relationship between the author and his typist introduces new
vistas, and affects their lives. The relationship is real life, blood and smiles.

Interesting texts, innovative methods... Coetzee is not in vain one of most esteemed
authors in English literature. His biography itself is amazing, definitely worth
reading, check it online.

Gombrowicz's "Cosmos"

In my re-reading of Gombrowicz, I came to "Cosmos". It is a very Polish story
in its topic and form. But, as Gombrowicz likes (or has) to do, it is breaking
of the world in pieces. Reading the meaning of sparrow corpse
hanged in the bush, an arrow in a ceiling (is it an arrow in a ceiling?),
reading its pointing (or not?)... it is like reading a horoscope. Or not
reading it, but making it.

It is obvious that Gombrowicz is close to quite an absurd theater, a child
of his time. If there would not be a WWII, which extracted and exaltation
and a decision from him (to dupe the pathetic patriotism and remain
himself), Gombrowicz would not have to bear the weight which was not crafted
for him. He could remain a rather abnormal Polish writer, and enjoy the air of
worldliness. He could die not too far from his birth place, eventually. But,
since he WAS pushed to an extreme, and had balls to follow it, he became a weirdo
in a life, not a theater, of absurd. In which people behaved much more insane
than any of the characters in his drama!

Gombrowicz does not need a defence, his works explains him the best. Most of
the mediocre mass who criticised, or ridiculed him, is long forgotten. He is,
and will be, recognized as an unique bard, trubadour of insanity of
closed or open door, turning wheel or pointing of the pinky.

Cosmological "Heart of Darkness"

Another reading I did thanks to the professor in Warsaw mentioned in previous post,
who pointed the book to me: "Heart of Darkness" by J.P.Ostriker and S. Mitton. Both are the
renowned cosmologists, and the "Science essentials" Princeton edition is a
very good way to stay in touch with the recent developments, even for an
astrophysicist. I warmly recommend it.

The writing does not necessarily follow the historical line, it is rather focused
on a paradigm shifts. But it gives a good sense of the struggle to make
sense of data in cosmology, not only of the theoretical development.

It is still a revelation to many people to understand that cosmology is a
kind of more straightforward science than, say, solid state physics. That
its theoretical base is close to elementary particles or high energy
(astro)physics, not something from the other side of the spectra of Physics.
This is well emphasised in the book, with a novel Newtonian calculations for
the basic relations in Cosmology, like critical density and other parameters
of the standard cosmological model.

The slow appreciation, and acceptance, of the Big Bang model, is presented
in extense, the reader can understand how it is intertwined with our
understanding of the stellar and evolution of galaxies.

Cosmology today can not be taught without the Dark matter and Energy -
indeed, as the title of the book shows, they stole the show. Authors
artfully show the slow, but persistent, seeping of the Darkness into the
Cosmology during the last century of research.

Again, a good read, even for a professional astrophysicist, with some
interesting insider stories.

Infeld's "Quest"

From a renowned Polish astrophysicist I got the autobiography of Leopold Infeld: "Quest", for reading. We had an interesting scientific-historical discussion, and he was kind to lend me this very informative book.

As it is usual in Warsaw, you step in the footprints of historical events
everywhere. The professor told me his mother was taught Physics in the Jewish public school in Warsaw before the WWII by Infeld. And when reading the book, in the part where Infeld describes his Warsaw times, I learned that the school was not more than few hundred meters from the place where I was reading the words (p.107): "...and each day I passed down the same streets-Orla, Karmelicka, to Nowolipki where my school was, in the heart of the ghetto, crowded by three hundred thousand Jews." I was reading it in an apartment in Karmelicka street, there was no a single traditionally clad Jew kilometers from me-except in a museum "Polin" opened recently, celebrating the history of Polish Jews. It was all what remained of that crowded ghetto. No, not exactly: yesterday in the evening I went running around the Park Krasinskich near Plac Bankowy, and there is a line in the pavement marking the line of the wall of former ghetto. With an information plate describing it. They could equally well make a crying wall there.

Famously enough, prof. informed me, Infeld did not want the translation of the book into Polish language... Interesting, as the book itself is dedicated "To my friends in Poland". And the book was written in 1940!

I was very surprised by the outline of Infeld's life described to me by the professor. In my ignorance, I supposed it was an "usual" story of a Jew intellectual, persecuted by the Nazi, who fled to the USA fast enough to be luckier than most of the others. I learned that my "knowledge" on the matter is, again, lacking, to say it mildly.

Nor was Infeld a professor when he escaped Poland, nor he was
escaping Nazi. His way to the professorship or the USA was not at all
straightforward. Escaping his own unhappy life-his first wife died of
medical condition few years before the WWII-to regain sanity and
console himself, he searched for ways to go out of Poland. He needed
to occupy himself with work.

Another dimension he describes frankly in the book is the relationship of Gentile to Jews in Poland. He is clear that there was a strong divide in the society, but indicates his (and other Jews) paranoia, too. The two communities simply did not know each other. It might seem impossible today, but just go and live in Berlin Charlottenburg today and see how much you understand the Turkish community there. Or go to live in Asia, and find a connection to Chinese or Japanese. You will soon find that to live along someone, does not mean to understand, or (easier) to know their culture at
all.

The book is divided into three parts: "The Ghetto", "Escape" and "Search and Research". It starts and ends with beautifully titled short sections "The Beginning and the End" and "The End and the Beginning", respectively. In them the author describes how he heard of the German attack on Poland in September 1939, when he was driving with his pregnant wife through New England in USA.
He read about air rides on Warsaw. Infeld himself was a remote observer of the war. The complete world of his in Poland before the war was erased. Lvov, the city where he started his independent life and youth, is not even in Poland today. Krakow Jewish community, where he spent his childhood in the Ghetto, was erased, the same as the Warsaw one. Many millions of people disappeared, literally in smoke. As my good uncle would say, from his bottom of Australia, "Who is to blame?"

Yes, who is to blame? We see rising of similar sentiments today in Europe, not so much towards the Jews, as they are nonexistent in numbers threatening the Gentile, but to the others. It is interesting to see how Europe did not go far from its narrow-mindedness. Frightening. In the first part, "The Ghetto", Infeld describes his childhood in Krakow ghetto and, in a very surprosing way for me, presents the isolation of the Ghetto. Jews preserved their culture and religion this way, but also separated themselves from the host community. As we see today, it is a risky business.

"Escape" part of the book describes his way to scholarship, from the teacher in Jewish school. Here is also the story of his tragic first marriage, with a girl from the rich Jewish family. It ended in devastating blow in a loss of his wife whom he loved dearly, when he was 34 years old. He describes in painful details how he and the girl's parents (she was their only child) could not grasp with the loss. He also describes how physical side took over his pain-sex overcame. He only indicates "lifes destroyed" by his reckless behavior, but it is enough to understand that he was completely lost.

In a self-preservation move he asked his colleague and professor in Lwow to help him to obtain some scholarship abroad. He finished obtaining the Rockefeller fellowship in Cambridge. He entered the Big Physics world through a side-door. Much held ajar by Einstein, which he met in Berlin, and then, 16 years later, in Princeton, USA.

In "Search and Research" is described some of the Physics he was involved in, but most of the emotion in the text goes into problems he had to stay in USA. Here again Einstein helped, collaborating on the popular science book Infeld devised to write for Einstein. Here Infeld shows how a physicist should not forget his fellow citizens, who pay his research. A genuine effort by him and Einstein bore fruits and, in effect of his new fame, he obtained the professorship in Canada, something he could only dream of before the book.

The end of the story is after the war, when he returned, somewhat
controversially, to the communist Poland. In Warsaw, undoubtedly governed by a Public Relations communists there wanted to bathe in, he was offered unlimited resources. He took and used them well-the school of physics in Warsaw is today a cradle of good physics.

"Quest" is a very informative text. Some of the things mentioned there are rather a taboo still in Poland. Or simply nobody, except those who were directly involved, is really interested in it. The remnants of the world described in the book are still present, but in the next refurbishing of the cities, they could get erased. This should not happen, as we are still to learn the lesson... This is why testimonies as this book should be more than welcome. It is not about Jews. It is about "us" and "them", an eternal quest for the human race.